You Could Put A Million Dollar Dress On That Girl

I am not what you’d call a snappy dresser. There was a time in my life that I could get anything off the rack and it would fit.That aside ,I hated doing even that. I don’t exactly have the best taste in the world and I know it. I also know that I could send my sister Dooker (her unfortunate nickname) with money and she would come back with something that would be the right colour, size, style and she would get it on sale! OHHH to have that skill!Ohhh to even care about that skill!

This is not new for me.When I was little, Mamma would try to dress me up ,but something always happened; an irresistable mud puddle,new spring green grass ,a freshly tarred road. There was always something!

Spaghetti jumped on me. Jam found a way to attack my blouse. A car would drive by, splash us all and I’d be the only one to get soaked! I was a magnet for mess.

One time I was to do an individual piece in the local speech festival. Mamma went to the expense of buying me a new dress. It was a yellow gingham with a flared skirt. I thought I looked like Cinderella. I was super careful to avoid puddles, cars ,food and stray dogs. At the competition I sat like a lady ,had good posture and did my best. I came in second out of sixty-four,which wasn’t bad for a first timer. Best of all my new sunshiny dress was in perfect shape.

I walked home ,still being careful, and quite proud of myself. I ran into the house to give my mother my ajudication. She told me I’d “done good” and told me to take off the new dress. As I walked away she told me to wait a minute. Mamma lookedat the skirt of my dress and said,”What the hell is that?”

There on the back of my beautiful new dress was a big red smear of something. Mamma lifted the skirt and smelled the smear.

“That’s nailpolish ,”she sighed,”Where did you get nailpolish?” There was no nailpolish in our house and I didn’t have a clue ,(and I still don’t) where that nailpolish came from!

Mamma took the dress and did her best to get that damned red smear off,muttering all the while to herself,”You could put a million dollar dress on that girl and she’d find some way to wreck it!” Now this would seem harsh if it wasn’t true. I have ruined many many clothes in my lifetime. Some nice and some favourites.Sometimes a tear ,sometimes by stain and sometimes with javex( which I love).

Hubby and I have this fancy semi-formal thing to go to soon.I  have to get something to wear and I am dreading going shopping. So here’s what I’m going to do.I’m taking Dooker with me.And when she finds something that fits ,is the right style and colour, I will wrap it in plastic until the day of the event. I will avoid food and javex and maybe ,just maybe I’ll make it through the event without a rip,fallen hem or a stain. And I sure as hell won’t be wearing nailpolish!